Neverland
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: Was it better to accept the fact that his words that night had been hollow and meaningless whereas Kurt's had had the power to ruin everything he had worked for or was it better to escape away to Neverland?


Neverland was not a place Blaine thought about often. Peter Pan had never been his favorite, it's video cassette still sat in pristine condition on his shelf of old Disney movies in between Aladdin and The Hunch Back of Notre Dame, both of which rendered unwatchable due to the black ribbon like tape that refused to stay in its housing. When he had moved to New York he'd brought them all anyway, a little piece of comfort and home in the big city. He re-watched Peter for the first time since he could remember with Kurt while he was getting ready for his show at the old folks home and quite frankly, Blaine knew that if Kurt hadn't been in that show, the mystical land of pirates and lost boys and never growing up would have never crossed his mind. But now, back home, miles away from his dream like future that had almost been, it haunted him in a way.

Nights like these were the worst, where it was clear and still and soft silver blue light of the moon cut into his room through the window next to his bed. It lit all the dark crevasses, so perfect for his already darkened soul to hide, stealing from him the only time he could feel at peace these days. There were just only so many questions about school and Kurt and hints of I-told-you-so's he could take. He was like a fallen king in a way. He had graduated high school with all the glory that an acceptance into a conservatory in Manhattan with a boyfriend and an apartment waiting for him could bring while most of his classmates contemplated weather to apply for a part time job at the Coffee Bean or at Breadsticks. But now he was no better than them and now they had the power to say that if only they had been the ones to have an opportunity like that, they wouldn't have crashed and burned like him. He wasn't any better or smarter. He had just been lucky, letting his bets get bigger and bolder. But now the house was finally cashing in and every time they took back a dollar with an 'Oh, I thought you were in New York, what happened?' he was forced to relive the pain of Kurt giving back his ring that night at the restaurant. The knife had dulled over time, not reaching quite as deep but still cutting and Blaine awoke every morning only to count the minutes until the sun would set and the dark shadow that he had become which stood out so glaringly during the day would finally get some peace.

The moon broke that peace though. He'd found that even more true recently, in the last couple weeks since Kurt had returned to Ohio as well. Its light dance through his window, an intruder and yet so innocently so, asking him to come away to Neverland. The eternal moon had no use for never growing up though. No, youth was no longer the draw. Dignity was the draw now because this could actually be the place where Blaine truly would never forgive Kurt, where he wouldn't let him simply come striding into Ohio, head high and proud with a statement so bold as "I came to get you back."

Kurt had always had a confidence about him, even in his darkest moments. The day they met, Kurt had kept his head up and refused to swipe at the tears as they began to trickle down his cheeks as he talked about the kids and the system that tormented him. Blaine had been drawn to that strength from that very day and yet in the bar the other night, it had made his blood boil.

How could he? Because it hadn't just been a break up. Blaine's entire life had collapsed. He suddenly had no home and no friends, and school became impossible with Kurt in the majority of his classes, walking in head high everyday as if nothing had happened. That's when the first of those looks started. They were the looks he got from Kurt when they accidentally caught each other's eye and Kurt saw the bags under his eyes and the dejected slump to his shoulders. 'It's your own fault for insisting in being in all my classes.'

Simple as that, not a hint of empathy or remorse, just like at the bar. But unlike back at school, in the bar he'd been able to puff out his own chest a bit and put him back in his place. That hadn't snuffed out the embers glowing with rage inside him though. If anything they had found more fuel when Dave had come over and wrapped his arm Blaine's shoulder. Because deep beneath all the hurt of betrayal, Blaine had wanted to say yes to Kurt and rush into his arms like he used where everything felt safe and warm and nothing like their greeting that day where his arms had felt too long and gangly and his chest felt lumpy and awkward Kurt's. He had forgiven him. He had. He had forgiven him instantly really. He would have slipped Kurt's ring back on the moment he come back to the loft that night if he'd wanted it. But he hadn't wanted it and so Blaine didn't want to forgive him. He and though and the shame that came with that, the allowance of himself to be tossed about when he was no longer convenient, made his body crawl further into that shadow land, that shadow land that was ruined by the light of the moon and the question in posed.

Was it better to accept the fact that his words that night had been hollow and meaningless whereas Kurt's had had the power to ruin everything he had worked for or was it better to escape away to Neverland?

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**A/N: ok so maybe blaine's being a little harsh here in his depictions of Kurt and maybe in the moment on the show there was a little more understanding from both of them but idk, when it's late at night, sometimes the demons come out. So yeah, hope you liked it.**


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